As Heard On Air: That Doesn’t Go There
Written by Ric Chetter on December 26, 2014
Combing through the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits yields some interesting bits of data. In 2014, you people stuck some things in all your orifices. Here’s the list, starting from the top and working down.
EAR
– Nipple from a baby bottle
– Soap
– Glow stick
– Air freshener bead
– Tampon
– Walkie-talkie antenna
– Rubber band
– Key
– Screw
– Jewel from toy crown
– Tip of dart
– Bug
– Diamond
– “Put tissue in his ear one month ago and feels like it is still there.”
NOSE
– Sponge
– Miniature hockey puck
– Leg of doll
– Toothpick
– Lithium tablet
– Hair braid
– Gum
– 10 sided dice
– Plastic eyeball
– Fishing sinker
– “Used a metal coat hanger to swat a bee off of his neck and coat hanger went up nostril.”
THROAT
– Retainer
– Clothes hanger
– Cookie wrapped in cellophane
– Toy arrow
– Foil from baked potato
– Shark toy
– Christmas ornament
– Bristles from grill brush
– Thermometer
– Plastic fork
– Skirt
– Steel wool (from crack pipe)
– “Had a button in hand, went to sneeze, tried to cover mouth with hand and inhaled button.”
PENIS
– Plastic handle of stirring spoon
– Rubber tube
– Wool yarn
– Crochet needle
– “Plastic spoon and perhaps a pencil”
– “Stuck nail in urethra then it migrated up into bladder.”
– “Inserted a long balloon in penis to have girlfriend blow up for sexual stimulation and it broke.”
VAGINA
– Orgasm balls
– Plastic handle of scissors
– Knitting needles
– Billiard ball
– Pen
– Bathtub stopper
– Hair tie
– Sponge
– Razor
– 10 inch steak knife
– Bag of crystal meth
– “One battery and three coins”
– “Put a bag of money in vagina to hide it from husband.”
– “A large amount of sand.”
RECTUM
– Log
– Christmas bell
– Toothbrush holder
– Pipe
– Acorn
– Keys
– “Rolled up stack of plastic trash bags.”
– Tent stakes
– Shot glass
– Metal toilet paper holder
– Drum stick
– Golf ball
– Ice pick
– Phone cord
– Un-sharpend pencil
– Turkey baster
– Candle
– Soda can
– Air freshener
– Lotion bottle
– Can of spray paint
– Shampoo bottle
– Shaving cream can
– “Beer bottle up rectum and bottle broke when tried to retrieve bottle with pliers. Cocaine use prior to insertion.”
– “Had anal sex and has bruising, blood on toilet paper, took crystal meth to help pain.”
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